feeling time

2006-10-29T10:25:00.000-08:00

Halloween I

Saturday Night

2006-09-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

每次一开开就看见自己一个孤零零的。不知道为什么越来越觉得找一个和自己脾气兴趣相投的朋友不容易。现在我一共有5个好朋友在这里。一对双胞胎姐妹广东人，一个韩国姐姐，一个俄罗斯姐姐和自己。一年了，我觉得我比以前热情很多去交朋友，和人沟通但是还是这样。我想是因为我自己的性格问题，江山易改本性难移。虽然自己觉得已经改变很多但是还是不能变成另外一种性格的人。就好像用英文和中文。虽然觉得现在英文提高了很多，看的，听得，说的，都已经习惯，可是，最近要的时候还是要一定用中文的。很多的事情不可以轻易的改变，倒不如接受现实还来的舒服。回头想想，从01 年离开中国，离开家，就开始任性的生长、。遇到一些困难才把自己脾气变好一些。这么久了，我也是才刚刚明白一些道理。想想自己的内在真的和中国人有些不同，不过唯一没有改变的就是我的口味。我想不管我离开中国多久，没有吃中餐多久，也不会改变我的口味。这就是变和不变的东西。那些准备离开自己国家的人，不知道有没有想好他们的改变？还是年纪大了就可以自己控制呢？我不喜欢现在的自己，就好像三藩市一样，哪里的文化都有全部搅在一起。要理出头绪来一定要很久的时间。既然已经这样，那从今天开始重新认识自己好了。

2006-08-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

猪八戒和他老婆

2006-08-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

加拿大的烂秤~~ 尽然磅我是170磅！！其实我不胖就是黑点，但是不怨我，太阳晒得没晒的地方也很白。大爷的！！~~

2006-08-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

Quierro y thengo que ir a Ottawa otras muchas vezes ,porque aqui es una ciudad come mi casa...

2006-08-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

Ottawa
I think I am in the most beautiful city in the world now. The city and the weather are very clean. Here people speak tow different languages, and they are nice. I love to stay here until wintter comes . Tomorrow we will back to torronto--the hot city.

2006-08-04T23:06:00.000-07:00

I miss you, and I still love you a lot~

2006-08-02T22:30:00.000-07:00

Copy from my superior teacher Frank:

As I depart China, I will leave with the knowledge that my life is inextricably linked to this ancient civilization that continues to evolve. This journey to my ancestral homeland has been enriched by a deluge of warm memories but also a much deeper appreciation for what this country has accomplished in the past 25 years since I've been away. I truly doubt people elsewhere have any idea or respect for what a gargantuan task it is to maintain social order; feed, shelter, and clothe a fifth of humanity.

To be sure, China is besieged with enormous problems in the process--the world's worst environmental degradation, an increasing disparity between the rich and the poor, along with its concomitant denial of access for those who wish to pick themselves up by their "bootstraps; the stress on its social infrastructure by the migration of tens of millions from rural to urban areas in search of a better lifestyle; etc. The accompanying rise in purchasing power with economic development can only mean even more vehicles on the already congested roads in the future, and I fear this so-called progress will tear asunder the social fabric that has held this civilization together for millennia. Let's face it, the more wealth there is, the more consumption of goods, fossil fuels, and greater stress on the environment.

Some will maintain that the Confucian ethic will mitigate the deleterious effect of unbridled capitalism and the pervasive number of TV commercials and public posters and banners strewn across streets certainly urge China's populace to be mindful of its glorious past. Still, the slogans promoting public civility and exhorting the masses to support a Chinese brand of socialism might also suggest people are not getting the message. Confucian ideology that is so ingrained in Asian countries such as China, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, and Singapore, to name just a few, has produced totalitarian dictators where dissent is barely, if at all, tolerated. (Think of all those who dared to disagree with Mao, Chiang Kai-shek, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jung Il, Marcos, or Sukarno.) Is it any wonder, then, why China seeks to establish hundreds of Confucius Institutes like the one I was enrolled with, around the world? One is taught at an early age to respect one's elders--that is true. But it is also implied that one defers to a higher authority. Unlike George Dubya, however, that higher authority is one's parents, elders, teachers, and government officials. It is also reflected in the education system in which knowledge is dispensed from the authority figure and hence, teacher-centered. Chinese students are expected to memorize all the "wise" words of the master and regurgitate them come exam time. (This probably explains why Chinese students are brilliant in retaining facts but show little creativity and innovation at the highest level of research and development and why there is a dearth of Chinese Nobel Prize winners, despite the millions of scholars.)

What really has made the deepest impression on me is how the spirit of the Chinese nation is based on ¹ØÏµ£¬guanxi or "connections." I have already alluded to this earlier in my previous writings. To wit, as one member of a family of 1,300,000,000 , how can you be nice to everyone? Instead, you reserve your emotional warmth and intimacy for those in your immediate circle that begins, of course, with your family, your classmates, and friends. Like water ripples, each one is composed of those in your hometown, then county, followed by province, and finally your country. It's actually not that unusual when you consider how we immediately establish an instant rapport with those in our travels who hail from the same region.

In my own case, I have been incredibly blessed by my connections with people who have come into my life over the years, and this trip really brought this concept of connections home. As soon as I arrived in Beijing, for example, a student I taught 28 years ago insisted on taking me out to this seafood restaurant that rivaled those in Hong Kong or Taiwan, where tanks of sea life line a wall and after making selection of what you want cooked, it is brought to your table for final approval. We actually rejected the first fish because it looked like it was on its last leg, or should I say fin?

Another former student who moved to Fremont contacted her colleague/friend and he showed up at my dorms to take me to the National Art Museum where we saw the most exquisite display of modern porcelain ware. Afterwards, he insisted on taking me to dinner where we saw jiaozi or dumplings made on the spot right before our eyes. And the price of admission to the museum? Free! All because a staff member there was contacted by another former student of mine, who a few days earlier, had taken a ten-hour overnight train ride from Wuhan where I once taught 25 years ago, just to visit me for one day before returning on another 10-hour overnight trip home. I ask you, how many people do you know who would take twenty-plus hours just to spend a little time with that person?

Another connection I had in Beijing was a friend I met while working for a travel agency over 20 years ago. Ben not only introduced me to some local natives of Beijing, but also some of the finest restaurants, with one open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Once, his foreign license plates allowed us instant access to these gated communities of luxury condominiums that otherwise would have been forbidden to others.

But it was really when I arrived in Guangzhou, my mother's hometown, that the concept of guanxi really sank in. Ryan was a student I taught seven years ago. He was not a particularly good student in San Francisco but here, on his home turf, he was superman! Not only did he pick me up from the airport, he reserved a hotel room with a panoramic view of the Pearl River at a 60% discount.

That evening he took me to a restaurant that is undoubtedly the largest in the world. The L-shaped, three-storey restaurant was about two city blocks in length, with a dormitory next door to accommodate a staff that keeps the restaurant open from 9:00 in the morning until 3:00 AM the following morning. That's right, 18 hours a day. When I marvelled at the sheer size of the Costco-like parking lot, he mentioned that the restaurant was so large, it could accommodate 5,000 people. Divided into various sections for seafood, red meat, congee, sashimi and sushi, soups in clay pots, fresh vegetables and fruits, both Chinese and Western desserts, the restaurant defies anyone's imagination. Since I requested food I normally could not have at home, he initiated me to crunchy silkworms, savory alligator meat, succulent water beetles, and tantalizing greens from the sweet potato plant stir-fried with dace. Now, before you revolt in disgust, bear in mind that some Europeans also find horse meat, snails (AKA escargot), and chocolate-covered insects very delectable!

Oh, but my culinary adventure did not end there that evening, for he later took me for a midnight snack where we enjoyed this dessert made with papaya, tapioca, and, are you ready for this? the oviducts of frogs!

Over the course of four days, Ryan took me to the best noodle stands, the restaurant reknowned for the most mouth-watering roasted squab, the place for the freshes sea life, the bakery with the crispiest cookies, the list goes on. I kid you not, it one gastronomic orgasm after another!

But I don't want to convey the impression that all I did for four days was eat. Ryan is an entrepreneur with extensive knowledge in various enterprises, including the exterminating business. One day, I accompanied him as he made an inspection of a village house in the country that with was infested with termites. He related that due to the humid, muggy weather of the region, colonies of termites feast to their hearts' content under the most ideal conditions. He told me several amusing stories, one of which was about this person from Hong Kong who had bought a villa as an investment property but hadn't set foot in this house for two years. One day, as he was sitting, the whole couch collapsed. Evidently, the termites at eaten through the wooden floorboards and the legs of the sofa. Another former client of his couldn't understand this crunchy sound every night until his bed suddenly fell in the middle of the night when he was sound asleep. You guessed it, the "white ants" had devoured the legs of his bed until it couldn't support him any longer.

That was the same day we visited a restaurant for lunch that specialized in snake. Upon entering, you would see two, five-foot tall earthenware urns filled with an alcoholic brew made with snake. In the kitchen, just ahead, there was a huge plastic tub filled with withering spines of snakes that had just been slaughtered. For lunch, we had a hot pot where we proceeded to consume a broth cooked with five kilos of poisonous snakes and five kilos of regular garden variety snakes. We were treated by this Chinese businessman who regularly toasted us with this wine mixed with the gall bladder of a snake.

Understanding I was more interested in the normal, day-to-day lifestyle of the people in Guangzhou, Ryan took me to the distribution centers for fruits, vegetables, and seafood. You know how big Pike's Market is in Seattle? Well, I saw a fish market that was at least five times bigger and contained every imaginable animal from the ocean's depths: cockles, monstrous sea urchins, lobsters, crabs, clams, turtles, eel, prawns, oysters, ad infinitem. The distribution centers for fruits and vegetables were several airplane hangars in size. Ryan asserted they were the largest in the province, if not the country and my initial skeptism was met with the reminder that China, after all, had over a billion people to feed.

We also visited a gigantic tea distribution center and a special exhibition of puer tea that proved especially enlightening for I learned that the tea was grown in a very remote area where motor vehicles cannot negotiate the steep steps of Yunnan province, guaranteeing the tea would be pristine, free of harmful pesticides. The poor horses we saw had obvious open sores where the load of their packs of tea pierced the skin, exposing raw flesh. Next time you drink ¹¦·ò²è£¬I do hope you appreciate where it came from!

Another valuable revelation gained from this trip is how disgusted I am with this insane trend towards mass consumerism. Whether I was in Beijing, Guangzhou, or Hong Kong, my senses were bombarded with advertising constantly urging me spend and consume. Hong Kong has always been known as a shopper's paradise and on this tiny island of seven million, it appears spending is the only addiction people crave in order to find some meaning in their lives and I sense Beijing and Guangzhou is not far behind. Or am I the dope for not realizing it is a global phenomenon and not a Chinese one per se?

I believe the second most commonly asked question after, "Have you eaten?" is "How much did you pay for that?" (and always feeling you got ripped off afterwards). Madonna is not the only material girl, for a nation of ants is also marching to the same tune. Buy! Buy! Buy! Me? I find myself drawn to those Song Dynasty poets who yearned to become a social recluse, away from the madding crowd and alone to contemplate and commune with the serenity of nature. Still, just like them, I find myself torn by a sense of duty, for community service and social activism as the words of Gandhi echo in my ear: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

I have many other thoughts about this trip, but I have been writing much too long. Let me end by saying that I hope my own connection with you finds you well and that we ourselves remain--connected.

2006-07-31T18:03:00.000-07:00

July 31 2006

Two more days and this summer is over!! I take my final on Wednesday for my social work class. I'm taking it to satisfy one of the general requirements the university has for all students. That is to take what they call a capstone course. They're supposed to provide students with: "The knowledge and skills to develop a rational and lucid personal identity, to introduce them to a variety of perspectives from which to grasp the complexity of experience, and to help them gain an appreciative understanding of the natural and cultural environments in which they live and their roles as responsible citizens of the world, the nation, and the State." So basically, it's a pretty complicated way to say I'm taking a diversity class. Once this is done, I don't start up again until August 30th!

2006-07-31T00:19:00.000-07:00

Un amigo de Chile~~
El dice que no puede entenderme bien en espanol , pero el esta muy amabre. Tengo que decirle una cosa:he vivido en Espana muchos anos, estudie aquil tanbien, pero desde el ano pasado llege a Estado Unido.Desde ese momento, la primera importante cosa es ingles. Hablar Ingles solo, leer Ingles solo,no Chino No Espanol, todas cosas en Ingles~~~ Por eso yo casi olvide como decir en Espanol. Ahora puedo hablar bien pero para escribiendo!!!!~~ este es muy dificil para mi. Entonces, perdoname y me comunica porfavor....

2006-07-30T15:21:00.000-07:00

I am your real aunty, Cassandra~~

2006-07-26T23:15:00.000-07:00

Shopping Queen
clara 과 나
연약한 두부

2006-07-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

Someone said I am really lucky;I can understand why they always think I am luckly. Maybe they'could have hoped me to be someone; however, I have my won life here and I am always happy. there is nothing make me said. Of couse , they want me to be happy, but they alreadly have an old impression for me- a bad girl. Now I do my best. I feel I just begin my relationship, I can do it~~

2006-07-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

I hope to see you soon....

2006-07-23T01:29:00.000-07:00

Lion,
你自己是狮子座，把自己画成狮子。我想知道你把我画成什么？是小猪吗? A pink pig, am I?

2006-07-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

나와 나의 가장 친한 친구Clara

2006-07-23T01:13:00.000-07:00

My Kids!! I don't know why I love dogs without any reason;however, I 'd like see them and spend a lot of time with them.

2006-07-23T00:58:00.000-07:00

China, my home~~~

Hm~~
I didn't take any picture at BeiJing, even though I have been there many times.

2006-07-23T00:53:00.000-07:00

Las Vegas

2006-07-23T00:40:00.000-07:00

南美洲原来是这样！！

2006-07-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

where I am living~~~ Califonia view

2006-07-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Paris, in which I need to spend much time ~~
不知不觉去了Paris两次。第一次是和姨父一起夏天8月的时候。那时的我什么都不关心，但是自己漂不漂亮却很在意。所以去的时候明知要走很多路还是穿了一双 Blanca 的新款木头鞋，记得最后在卢浮宫的时候不得不脱鞋光脚走路。最后临走的时候姨父很不放心我一个人，那时我觉得奇怪，我已经在西班牙呆了那么久还有什么好担心的？现在我终于明白了，家人不放心的不是我的脚还痛不痛，而是我的前途，我的思想。去年4月从南美洲工作回来，专程第二次到巴黎。那时很冷，在下雨不过到处是新鲜的空气。隔了三年之后的状态却大不相同。再不是那时的问题青年了，我可以靠自己的知识来付我长途旅行的账单。虽然不是很多，但是那是第一次!

2006-07-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

Amazing country Thailand

You should be there at least ten times in you life~~! Don't ask me why , just go and feel it ; then, you must thank me for this suggestion.

2006-07-22T23:20:00.000-07:00

Superior teachers

I have never thought I could have these good teachers ~ I used to be a bad student, I didn't like the people who teach me; however, I changed my opinion after I had known them : Frank and Laila. Because of them, I don't feel lonely anymore, they make me study hard and know a lot of things about this new country. Thanks a lot~~

2006-07-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

Espana

2006-07-22T22:45:00.000-07:00

Every time~~

Para Daniel Lara

Te he pensado muchas veces. Ahora no podemos hablar, porque pais,timpo, casa, trabajo, escuera... muchas cosas. Pero creo que soy la unica especial perosna en tu corazo y para siempre......

Alba

2006-07-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

看到了你小时候清纯的照片看得出很多美好的回忆。可是还是没有你们以前的照片啊~~